Live always with Forgiveness and Love in your Heart
As I progress on this journey of International adoption I feel as though I mature just like maturing from childlike perception into an ever increasing and expanding awareness. I do not have all the answers, I am not an expert by any means, but I have gained much knowledge and perspective as I have walked this journey with my daughter. I have gained the greatest perspective listening to the stories not only of other adoptive families, but actually learning of the stories of birth parents in China, those who have lived with grief in their hearts at the loss of their precious child.
There are many times when comments from well meaning strangers cause my heart to sink....In my mind I think, "If you only REALLY knew." The comments of well meaning but very uninformed people can be hurtful to adoptive families and children. While I do not hold any ill will toward these well meaning people, I simply wish that they could understand reality as the truth would bless their lives as well.
One such comment "She is such a lucky girl"
I do not believe in 'lucky' but I do believe in blessings from a loving God
While you may feel that our little girl is blessed, I must boldly profess to you that it truly is WE who have been immensely blessed!
We feel blessed to have her as a part of our family. Every aspect of this adoption, even the trials and difficult aspects have so richly blessed our lives! She has brought a lot of joy, laughter, and happiness into our home and we can't imagine our lives without her. If anything, she has been a blessing in our lives. I want everyone who knows us to recognize that this little girl has BLESSED US! Luck has no place in our lives, but the Grace of God does!
The comment I want to focus on today is....
"Who could do such a thing (abandon their child)?"
I must humbly admit, that there was a time I have said these exact words...what kind of person could abandon their own child? I understand the emotion that causes you to ask this question, you see the suffering and absolute tragedy of abandonment and of course your heart cannot understand how this could possibly happen.
In the beginning of our adoption journey, I too held a bit of anger toward my daughters birth parents. How could they leave a blind little 3 year old girl on the street and walk away....who could do such a thing?
We are all so quick to point our finger in judgement at others!
I do not live in a communist country with a STRICT one child policy where women are forced to have abortions if it is discovered that they are pregnant with a second child. I do not live in poverty, I have not lived through what these parents have gone through. I have not walked one single footstep in their shoes and have no idea what circumstances led up to the abandonment of their precious child. I know in my heart no matter the circumstances, that neither you nor I could possibly imagine the painful and unspeakable sorrow they must have felt.
I do not know the road they have walked, I do not know what was in their heart or mind....To be blunt, it doesn't matter, I have no right to judge them.
Maybe her mother grieved and cried as her child was carried out into the dark of night never to be seen again....
Maybe she lingered and kissed her sleeping child's cheek before turning away with a tear streaked face and overwhelming grief.
with tears streaming down her face, maybe she turned back in utter grief for a moment...one last look
Maybe she has been haunted by the image of her child's face emblazoned in her mind. Maybe she thinks of her precious child every day of her life in grief and heartache. Maybe, just maybe this abandonment was not her 'choice'. It was the result of a draconian one child policy in the country in which she lives that forced her into a position none of us could ever comprehend.
I do not claim to know the answers and I am sure the circumstances are different for every child who was abandoned. The one thing I do know, is that, I have no right to judge my daughters birth parents or the choice they made.
There are many days I wonder if her birth mom is thinking of her, does she wonder what happened to her precious little girl?
I don't know that anything would ease the heartache or grief they have suffered, but still, I wish that they could have some peace of mind that she is safe and loved. Adoption, in any of its forms comes from intense grief and loss and there is nothing that will ever mend that. A mother's love for her child can never be erased and the loss a mother suffers I cannot even imagine.
All I ask is this...Do not judge. Do not judge anyone for any reason. You do not know their story, thoughts ,feelings, motives, or their heart. Things are not always as they appear to be. I do not know my daughters birth parents but I feel a connection with them through this sweet little girl. I am grateful to know that my daughters separation from her parents is not permanent and there will come a day when she will be reunited with them again and we all will be connected through our love of this little girl. Our families will always share a sweet connection through this little girl and I know that God can take this tragedy and make beauty where ashes once were. All will be made right and nothing will be lost to this little girl, not even her birth parents.